The Theory of Wanda's Powers
by bluegalx
Summary: The first part of this is a theory as to what Wanda's powers are exactly, because it's obvious that nobody knows. The rest is Wanda, after reading my theory, deals with the fact that she is all powerful... not in a responsible way mind you. PLEASE R
1. The Theory

Disclaimer: I own nothing fools!  
  
FYI, this story WILL be continued. Basically the first chap. will be an essay thingy about Wanda's powers. The second and third will be the story part of this. The second chap will be *very* short, but the third will be longer, and have I think it'll be better to.  
  
Oh, and PLEASE review!  
  
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The Theory of Wanda's Powers  
  
Probably the greatest mystery in X-Men, Marvel maybe even superhero history all together is: what is Wanda's power in the first place? Quite often it is referred to as "Hex" and one person once said that is seemed she had "massive TK [telekinetic] powers". The X-Men Marvel Encyclopedia calls it the "Ability to control chaos magick and affect probability field" The simple fact is that no one has any clue what that really is. Stan Lee got away in 1963 by having Quicksilver say: "Wanda! Don't point your finger! You know it always causes a disaster to occur!" But that was the sixties, and people in the sixties were gullible beyond belief.  
So let's break apart some of the definitions, shall we? It seems that Wanda has some magical powers, but that has nothing to do with my theory so we'll ignore it. I want to concentrate on the fact that Wanda can "affect probability field" meaning that she can affect or alter probability.  
My theory states that with the right amount of training and control there is absolutely no limit to Wanda's power, and she could even defeat Dark Phoenix fairly easily.  
Let's say that the probability of a certain chair failing over is 260:1. Well, that probability can be altered to 1:1, making a 100% chance of the chair falling over. And we've all seen Wanda make chairs fall over, right?  
So some random star named "George" by the Volkons from Star Trek suddenly explodes sending thousands of multi-colored meteors hurtling through space by a chain reaction. One meteor, as it falls through Earth's atmosphere, suddenly changes into a giant purple and orange tarantula and lands right on Kitty Pryde's head. Kitty immediately panics, and it just so happens that she's driving at this time and causes a huge accident, infinitely killing Havok. Scott is so devastated by the loss of his only family that he becomes a serial killer and shoots Jean Grey.  
Let's say that the probability of that happening is about 93284854918273548204802672:1. Well, Wanda can alter probability can't she? So now the probability is 1:1 and BOOM! Jean's dead.  
Of course, to do something big like killing Jean via a chain reaction by an exploding star named George, would take many years of study and concentration. How many years you ask? Well, if all went well she'd be able to do that around the same time Scott willingly betrayed the X-Men.  
I mentioned earlier that Wanda could defeat Dark Phoenix? What are the odds of Jean suddenly ceasing to be Dark Phoenix and just being Jean again? You figure out the rest.  
So between the probability altering and the little bit of magical power I didn't talk about, Wanda is all-powerful and you should fear her. ALL BOW TO WANDA!!! 


	2. The Story Part I: Wanda uses her powers

Wanda grinned EVILLY as she put down the paper. *The fools!* she thought *They let me get my hands on this! Now I know that I'm all powerful! I must find Pietro...* And so Wanda set out to find her twin, which wasn't all that hard seeming as they lived in the same house. Well anyway, she walked into the room and casually handed him the paper entitled "The Theory of Wanda's Powers." After he read the first few paragraphs he decided that his life was in grave danger and sped (I mean that literally) off to who-knows-where and was never seen again.  
Now Wanda, being the sick, twisted, warped, disturbed, demented, frenzied deranged, odd, weird, abnormal and not-mentally-well person that she is, thought that making her twin brother petrified out of his mind was very funny. She showed the paper to Todd who just smiled sweetly at her and said:  
"That's great sweetums! I'm so glad to be close to such a powerful-" but he never finished his sentence because Wanda used her powers to fling him into a wall, knocking him unconscious. Then, she took a big box (which was only there because it had been used to ship 50 Barbie Dolls to Lance and Mystique, who play Barbie and Ken once a week), and stuffed Todd's body into it. She quickly ran to the post office and shipped it to a university specializing in biology so that the teachers could save money on amphibians when it came time for the dissecting project.  
Felling great satisfaction in torturing the person who loved her most in the world, Wanda decided to go after Blob next. Unfortunately, she was unable to do this as Blob was already dead. The story goes that he really wanted to learn how to fly, so he built a pair of wings identical to the ones Elmer Fudd hued on a Looney Toons episode. Apparently, he was to stupid to realize that:  
A) Elmer Fudd is a looser and if he built wings they wouldn't work  
B) Wings like that never work anyway, weather in cartoons or the real world  
C) Even if they did, Blob his to hideously fat for the wings to support him.  
But I think it was already obvious that Blob is (or was) stupid. Anyway, not all hope was lost, as Wanda could still torture Lance and Mystique, who where upstairs playing Barbie and Ken at the time. Laughing maniacally, she marched up the stairs a decapitated all of the Barbies because it was mean and Barbies are scary things anyway.  
"NOOOO!" Lance cried. Mystique looked at her furiously.  
"GASP! Wanda! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?" Wanda just laughed maniacally again and handed them the piece of paper. After reading it Lance looked up.  
"All powerful as you may be" he said "Barbie shall be revenged!"  
"Oh Ken!" Mystique moaned as Lance led her away. And Wanda laughed maniacally AGAIN because I love maniacal laughs and I control her.  
Now terrifying, killing and destroying the lives of her teammates was fun and all, but Wanda was eager to use her power to the full extent...  
  
To be continued... (wasn't that just a great cliffhanger?) 


	3. The Story Part II: Death, Destruction an...

Here it is people! What happened after that marvelous cliffhanger! Read it, you know you want to... **************************************************************************** ****  
  
"Hi guys" Kitty Pryde walked in and sat down at the kitchen table.  
"Hey Kitty, how are you?" Kurt asked.  
"Fine" she smiled "Anything new going on?"  
"No" Rogue answered "what about with you?"  
"Nothing really, Jean's dead though"  
"Oh, that's interesting"  
"Yeah"  
"Who killed her?" Tabby asked casually.  
"Scott"  
"Really?" Kurt asked.  
"Yeah, he went crazy because Alex died" Bobby looked at her.  
"How'd he die?"  
"I shot him"  
"Oh really?" Ray commented.  
"Yeah, a tarantula landed in my hair" Amara gave and understanding nod.  
"Well that's as good a reason as any"  
"Hey guys" Roberto said "Scott's home"  
  
In five minutes they were all dead. In ten minutes everyone in the mansion was dead. In fifteen minutes Scott was dead too.* But with the X- Men gone, havoc (no, not the dead guy) reined throughout the world. The war between mutants and humans began, a war which would last generations to come and would shed more blood and create more tears than anything before. Lives were destroyed, families were torn, and humanity no longer existed. Left only were empty shells bent on killing, and their helpless prey. Nothing was sacred. The world fell into the deepest pits that a world can go, and they were on the brink of a universal collapse. And then, a "savior" came. Papillon of the Butterflies came to power. At first, the few people who had survived the bloody slaughter eagerly turned to him. It was only afterwards that they realized his ulterior motives.  
The villages were burned (again, because if you remember there was a great and bloody war and you CAN'T have a great and bloody war without burned villages) and enslaved their children. At first, there was some resistance to this cruelty, but all who opposed were brutally slaughtered as if they were animals but Papillon's EVIL army which was led by his right- hand man: Vitesse-Susantivo, more commonly referred to as VS.  
  
However, in all of the darkness, two people stood alone. They were the last rebels on Earth, who had carefully eluded VS. However, they knew that they could not hide forever. If Earth was to survive, Papillon would have to fall. Their names? Mystique and Lance.  
"You must not go!" she cried "VS will kill you for sure!"  
"It is the only way I can get to Papillons!" Lance argued.  
"But- but...I can't loose you!" Mystique cried, her eyes filled with tears.  
"Don't worry Raven" Lance comforted her "I'll be alright"  
"No you won't!" she said, but he was adamant about the decision.  
"I must do this."  
"But why? Why must you save everyone!?" Lance put an arm around her.  
"Think" he said "What would Barbie and Ken do?"  
"Th-they would face Papillon" and then she added bitterly "if they were here!"  
"Don't feel bad Raven! One day we'll find Wanda and she will pay!" Strengthened by these words, Mystique nodded.  
"Go" she said, and he did.  
  
(What follows is very boring and stupid, kind of like that movie "The Scorpion King", so I shall skip all that and go straight to the epic battle between Lance and VS)  
  
"You will never win VS!" Lance shouted at the top of lungs, which was not only unnecessary, but stupid as you NEVER shout when you're in your enemy's fortress, no matter what situation you're in.  
"You fight well Lance" VS answered "but the fight is mine!"  
"That's what you think! Time to ROCK THIS PLACE!" VS screamed in horror.  
"Um..." Lance looked at him quizzically "I haven't done anything yet"  
"It was rock pun"  
"Oh shut up!" and Lance rocked the place.  
"Stop that" VS said.  
"Why should I?"  
"No not you! The author. She keeps making the 'rock' puns"  
"You can't talk to the author!!"  
"Bah" VS retorted and then ran up to Lance and pushed him over the edge of the suspended bridge/walkway thingy they were standing on because they were stupid and didn't listen to their mothers when they were told not to go near edges. Fortunately for Lance, he caught the edge and was hang in on with one hand.  
"So Lance" VS laughed "I wanted to know, why fight me when you can go straight for Papillon?"  
"Because I hate you! I know that before the great war between humans and mutants you- you killed one of my teammates!"  
"No Lance" VS said, taking off the weird black mask that he wore for no apparent reason "I *am* one of your teammates!"  
"NOOOO!" Lance cried "Pietro?! How could- I thought you were dead!"  
"That's what Wanda wanted you to think!" he said.  
"But why did you betray us? And why did you change your name? And why the mask?"  
"Well the name-changing and mask was to hide my secret identity so that there could be a great dramatic scene like this. As for why I betrayed you, well I felt like it kinda. You know I'm into betraying, don't you remember Day of Reckoning I and II?"  
"Yes but... hey! You're not supposed to know it's called 'Day of Reckoning I and II'! And you're not supposed to talk to the author either! Darn it Pietro, you're breaking ALL of the rules-"  
"Shut up or I'll kill you!"  
"No you can't"  
"Before you thought that I could"  
"Yeah, but then I found out that you were Pietro" Pietro scowled and stuck out his tongue. Lance ignored this and asked:  
"Say, do you know, by any chance, where Wanda is? Before the war she destroyed Barbie and Ken and Mystique and I are out for revenge." Pietro nodded.  
"Yeah, I'd go for that but unfortunately Wanda is all powerful and fled Earth a long time ago"  
"Really? Great! And I promised Mystique that we'd get revenge." Pietro was about to reply when suddenly...  
  
(The following scene is too gruesome and heart-wrenching to be shown to public. Just so you know, Papillon comes in with Mystique's dead body, and is going to kill Lance too when Wanda returns and starts to kill him and Pietro in an inhuman way when the spirit of Scott Summers suddenly descends and give them all a lecture about ethics, and they all disintegrate from it. The world never repairs itself and all who are left suffer a horrible fate and not only Earth, but the entire universe collapses leaving anything still existing floating through the cracks of space and time forever. THE END) **************************************************************************** ****  
  
*Later on, most people agreed that all those innocent lives (save Jean who I'm fairly sure was not innocent) were worth it for Scott to have committed suicide. 


End file.
